Do men really suck?

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the phrase this week—”men suck.” All from women, like me, who have put ourselves into situations that have allowed our boundaries to be violated, who have forgiven the unforgivable because of our own socialization, fear, and insecurities. I am not minimizing trauma or abuse, because let me tell you, I know first hand the debilitating and devastating impact that emotional, psychological, and physical abuse can have on our mind, heart, body, and soul. It feels nearly impossible to break free. At the same time, many of us are no longer in situations that bind us—the kids are grown, we have our own careers, we can provide for ourselves, we have goals, we have dreams, and we have the means to pursue them. Yet, many of us somehow still fall at the feet of the looking for love and acceptance outside of ourselves. Yes, I get it, it comes from deep wounds and trauma that has been baked deep into us. This, however, is where we have power that we give away. How many times have you begged and pleaded for someone to respect you, appreciate you, treat you better, see you, hear you, understand you? Well, if you are anything like me, it has been way too many times. Now, think about the mental and emotional energy we have spent fighting against what we see in front of us—men who have their own damage, who may be incapable of meeting us where we are, who may not have the capacity to fulfill what we need. The bottom line is that no person, other than us, can truly meet our needs. Now, imagine if we took all that emotional energy, time, and attention then focused it back on us. How far could we get? It is easy to point outwards and identify what others are not doing for us. It is much harder to sit in our own truth and acknowledge what we are not doing for ourselves. Maybe men suck. Maybe they have their own trauma and drama. In the end, it is up to us. We are the ones that hold the power to heal and protect ourselves. It is we who are the ones that can truly understand our needs. And it is we who can show up, listen, heal, and allow ourselves to be seen as whole, authentic humans who deserve love, care, and respect. If we cannot even give that to ourselves, how can we ever expect anyone else to do it for us?