The End of the “Princesa” Era: Letting Go of Pleasing, Perfection, and Performing
Dear almas en vuelo (souls in flight),
For the next four weeks or so, I want to explore the multidimensional inner spaces of Latinas as we navigate life. I’m specifically going to dive into Latinx archetypes from my own perspective. An archetype is like a soul-pattern. It’s a story we carry in our bones, a role we slip into without even trying. Sometimes it’s the warrior in us, sometimes the healer, sometimes the one who hides. Archetypes show us the many faces of being human—our strengths, our shadows, and the lessons waiting to be reclaimed. You can look at them as “phases” or “eras.”
Latinas get called a lot of things—reina, Princesa, toxica, chingona, carbona, pendeja, and all kinds of other identifiers that pop into people’s heads. Princesa is one of those that women love, especially in their younger years—yes, they want to be treated like a princess and are waiting for Prince Charming to ride up on his white stallion (or Ford F150 King Ranch Edition) to sweep them up and treat them like they are the most precious little thing in the world. If you are reading this blog, you might not have identified with this archetype, but let’s dive in and see what you think.
People pleasing anyone?!!? Yes, me. I have been that person 100%. Kissing my teacher’s butts became an art form because I wanted them to like me. When I started working, I wanted to be that one employee who got the praise. Almost like a chameleon, I tuned into people’s needs and adapted myself to any situation to gain favor. I really wasn’t aware I was doing this; it just happened. It was like an instinctual means of survival. If this sounds even the slightest bit familiar, follow me as I break it down.
La Princesa Archetype
Strengths
La Princesa embodies tenderness, beauty, and grace. She carries the gift of softness in a world that often demands hardness. Her presence soothes; she notices the small details others overlook. She reminds us that gentleness is not weakness but a form of quiet power.
She is deeply relational, reading the room and attuning to others with ease.
She brings innocence and optimism, seeing possibility where others see limitation.
She adapts gracefully, flowing between spaces with charm and ease.
Struggles
Beneath the softness, La Princesa often battles with the weight of expectation. Society tells her she must be beautiful, gracious, accommodating, perfect—la niña Buena (the good girl). Her desire to be loved and accepted can twist into over-pleasing and self-silencing.
She says “yes” when her body is screaming “no.”
She avoids conflict, even if it means betraying herself, as in “calladita de vez mas bonita” (you look so pretty when you are quiet).
She seeks validation outside of herself, measuring worth by how the world responds.
In Today’s World
La Princesa is everywhere.
She’s the woman curating a flawless feed, even while her real life is a hot mess.
She’s the friend who never sets boundaries and burns out.
She’s the employee who carries the extra workload just to keep the peace.
She’s the “the perfect wife” who gives her time, energy, wellness, and compromises her self-worth for the sake of trying to feel seen, heard, and understood by another to whom she is invisible.
In spiritual spaces, she performs “light, love, and harmony” while silencing her inner voice and suppressing a deeper knowing.
When La Princesa Shows Up in Dating
Even in love, La Princesa performs. She flirts softly, listens deeply, and works hard to be adored—trying to prove she’s the one. Her heart means well, but her body still remembers how it felt to earn love through effort.
She texts back right away, swallowing the sting when others don’t.
She edits herself, trimming the edges that might feel “too much.”
She wants to be chosen, forgetting her own power to choose.
When a date pulls away, she blames herself; when chemistry fades, she doubles down on effort.
She confuses connection with control, mistaking perfect behavior for safety.
La Princesa wants love to feel safe, certain, and secure—but that safety often comes at the cost of her authenticity. And when that constant pleasing still doesn’t bring the connection she longs for, something inside her shifts.
That shift—the ache that follows—is where La Toxíca begins to stir.
Hidden Wounds
Behind La Princesa’s tiara often lie old wounds:
A fear of abandonment learned in childhood, when love felt conditional.
Suppressed anger that simmers beneath her smile.
A sense of disconnection from her authentic self, shaped by years of molding to fit others’ needs.
These wounds reveal why La Princesa can slip into fawning—the nervous system’s survival strategy of appeasement. Instead of fighting or fleeing, she makes herself pleasing, hoping safety and love will be secured.
The Invitation
La Princesa is not doomed to be trapped in performance or losing her true self. Her invitation is to reclaim softness as choice rather than obligation. To allow beauty and tenderness to exist alongside boundaries and self-respect. To embody grace without silencing her own voice.
She teaches us:
Softness and strength can coexist.
Gentleness can be fierce when it is rooted in authenticity.
True elegance is living unapologetically in one’s own truth.
We are worthy because we are, not because others assign us value.
How to Begin Doing the Work
La Princesa invites you to pause, look in the mirror, and ask: Where am I still holding onto the need to please? This isn’t about shaming yourself or rushing to “fix” anything. It’s about noticing—really noticing—the ways you still carry expectations, and deciding which parts serve you and which weigh you down.
Ritual Ideas
The Mirror Ritual: Sit with a candle and a small mirror. Gaze into your own eyes and whisper, “I am enough even when I am not pleasing anyone.” Breathe into the discomfort, then place your hand on your heart.
Soft Boundaries Practice: Next time someone asks for your time, pause before saying yes. Place your hand on your belly, take one breath, and ask: Is this a true yes, or a survival yes?
Tending the Princess Within: Create a little “altar of softness”—a corner with flowers, gentle tea, skincare or oils, a soft scarf or blanket. Let it remind you that tenderness is a choice you make for yourself first.
Product Inspirations
A spicy Exploration Chai tea to explore your inner world and ignite your inner fire.
A journal where you can honor the transformations, untangle which “yeses” are authentic, and explore the depths of your true self.
A new mini skincare ritual to remind you that you deserve care without sacrifice.
A sweet, uplifting candle with a soft glow for mirror rituals or nightly reflection.
Audiobook: (Fiction) I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sanchez
Reflection Prompts
Where do I still find myself saying “yes” to please rather than from desire?
What parts of my softness feel authentic, and what parts feel like performance?
How can I create balance between caring for others and honoring myself?
What small ritual helps me remember that gentleness is power, not weakness?
Con fuego y alma
Mari
